Ajuana Black's Blog

Bethanie Hines...Healing Photographer...MADE ME CRY!!!!

 

How pictures can heal is amazing! It's not so much the product as it is the process of looking at myself...seeing a reflection of what I am, who I look like, who I look like that I haven't found yet. My birth mama. You see, I am adopted and I am still on the search of looking fo DONNA MARTIN, MY BIRTH MAMA! When I see pictures of her, I see the beauty and how photogenic she was in those pictures. When Iwas viewing my pictures for the first time with Bethanie, I wept because I couldn't help but to think or even see my birth mama's pictures...her reflection through me. It's a longing anda loving I was experiencing SEEING THE PICTURES FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
   

Then to see the pictures that speak courage and strength when I looked at them for the first time was so uplifting for me....I heard myself inside tell myself..."Oh my God, you are strong, powerful, and empowered!" I am I am....didn't know I didn't feel strong.....kinda been going through some things and obviously I have been telling myself some not so empowering words......but the pictures..reflections of me and "she" that came before me...communicated some healing strong ass energy....and I thank Bethanie for her gift of capturing what she captures through the LENS...........Oh Should I tell that it took me a good 5 months to get the courage to even set the appointment to go and view the pictures. Something deep inside, I believe, knew it was going to bring up alot for me............so I ask you.......

Has Any Body Seen DONNA MARTIN?

  
www.bethaniehines.com

What I Didn't Know Stepping Down From The Piano (3 years after my adoption)

1.I Didn't know my grandmama on my birth father's side and whom I never met was a pianist.

2. IDidn't know Grandma June was a big band singer.

3. I Didn't know my grandma made my birth father and his two siblings learn to play the piano.

4.I Didn't know my birth father had just been killed 2 years earlier by Washington State Police in pursuit of him ...he had stolen a car

5.I Didn't know I would play the piano up until I was 11 years old.

6. I Didn't know the "Music bug" would continue to bite til this very day...although it felt strong back then.

7. Didn't know I would find out that my birth mama use to take voice lessons when she was 16

8. I Didn't know how much this picture would make me reflect on me.

What I did Did Know Stepping Down From The Piano (3 years after my adoption)

1.I  Knew that I felt completely connected to music and performing.

2. I knew that I was completely loved by the family that chose me.

3. I knew that I was connected to God.

4. I knew that I was talented in performance.

5. I knew that I did not naturally know how to play by ear....I had to work at it.

6. I knew that I wanted to sing and perform.

7. I knew I was cute with my Shirley Temple Curls.

8. I knew I felt self-conscious about my eczema on my skin...and wondered, " Why does my mother insist on showing my legs!"

25 Thoughts About This Picture - Before I was Adopted

1. I look happy.

2. I wonder, which foster home I was living in.

3. At this time I was still being called by the name my birth mama gave me...DeAnna

4.This picture connects me to my birth mama even though I wasn't around her...

5. I love my sandy color hair.

6. I got a big forehead...which later I found out my birth papa is the reason for it!

7. I wonder who took this picture...maybe my foster mother whom I don't remember.

8. The more I look at this picture the more I get woozy because it connects me back to a time and to a person, my birth mama, that I don't remember.

9. I wonder if I was missing her....I had to have felt her absence....babies are sensitive like that.

10. I expected one of my 4 children to look like me as a baby...none of them did...which futhermore
made me search for my reflection

11. This is really hard although healing.........I think I will stop

12. This picture makes me think about my birth mama........has anybody seen Donna Martin?........
Tell her, her daughter,(Deanna Martin).....Ajuana Black loves her and is looking for her!